Back Story: I remember sitting down in the Library overwhelmed with Strife
I did everything I knew to do. I prayed my typical prayers. I helped with the kids. I went out of my way to compliment people regardless if I was feeling them or not at the moment. I've went to the alter. BUT I was overwhelmed with an uneasiness that I could not identify? What's wrong with me? I had not verbalized any negative thoughts to anyone. I felt that was the 'RIGHT' thing to do. I thought, "I don't want to be critical' or 'burden' people with my thoughts. But on the inside, I had been building up with negative emotions that were literally holding me hostage. I was quoting scriptures, but I was not acting them out. Opps, am I suppose to admit that?
So what happened Jacque?
Just like the classic Mean Girls line,I word vomited. Not just to a person or to God - But to myself. I took out my prayer journal and wrote down every thought that was coming to my mind. I was super surprised when I was done - because that list was long. After examining my thoughts, I was able to identify what was wrong with me. AND I did what I thought I was suppose to do, but found out I was serving Man and Myself in the process. In this moment I was afraid.
I feared dying alone.
I feared never being loved.
I feared being unlovable. (Man, how does this even work?)
I feared never being able to birth my ideas. I feared being mistreated.
I feared never being enough.
I was burdened with insecurities that was fueling my behavior to succeed. Classic case of Perfectionism. How many of us struggle with that? It was then I prayed to God and he Reminded me of the truth and his Promises. It had nothing to do with the success of others, but everything to do with comparing my success to those around me. I wanted what I thought they had without realizing I had that very same thing. Preferences.
If you are struggling with this Please read the following out loud:
Thank you for your preference.
Being adopted in God’s family and attaching your name to mine allows me to be preferred.
Adding you to my business allows me to be preferred.
Allowing Christ to Lead me allows me to be preferred.
Allowing Christ to Correct me allows me to be preferred.
Seeking the Kingdom of God first allows me to be preferred.
I survived thought, I survived conception, I survived birthing because I am preferred.
You chose me to to live because I am preferred.
I will not die because I am preferred.
I was bullied because I am preferred.
I graduated anyway because I am preferred.
I thrived in negativity because I am preferred.
I walked away from emotionally damaging situations because I am preferred.
I did not lose my mind because I am preferred.
I did not give up because I am preferred.
Lord, Thank you allowing me to be preferred. Thank you for choosing every aspect about me. Thank you for
preferring my face, my skin, my eyes, my nose, my body, my personality, my gifts, my talents, my flaws, and my
purpose. In Jesus Name allow me to walk in your preference. Allow my brothers and sisters to walk in theirs. Lord
please allow preference to flow easy to us.
We LOVE YOU!
How do you get over your insecurities?
- Be honest with yourself before complaining to others
- write down and journal your emotions and identify your triggers
- Talk to Jesus about it before you talk to anyone else
- Repent from this former behavior and recondition your thought life to believe what God Says
- Remind yourself daily of Gods Promises
- Surround yourself with people that remind your of God's Promoises for your lfie